Predictions for the Next Ten Years

Dear Diary,

I must admit that years and dates confuse me a bit. Back in 2000, people kept saying that it was a new century, a new millennium. However, 2001 soon rolled around and other people started saying, no, 2001 was actually the start of the new century, the new millennium.

Now, it’s 2010, and people are talking about how it’s a new decade. In 2011 are people going to start claiming that it is really the new decade then? It all just makes my head spin to be honest.

Instead of trying to figure that out though, I’d like to now list my predictions for the next ten years, new decade or not. These aren’t going to be any cryptic, Nostradamus-like clues, just straight, no-nonsense predictions. Ten years from now, I will dig up this old entry and see how well I did.

So here we go. Sometime in the next ten years:

5. A major celebrity/political figure will have an affair. The media will talk about nothing else for a month. Everyone will hate that celebrity/political figure. Six months later, the celebrity/political figure will make a comeback, reach the pinnacle of his/her career and everyone will love him/her and have forgotten their past indiscretions.

4. The academic left will begin pushing for a change in the way we count years. This already began with the push to change BC/AD (Before Christ/Anno Domini) to BCE/CE (Before Common Era/Common Era). This move has been somewhat successful, and having separated it from Christian tradition, there is no logical reason for the Common Era to begin when it does.

3. There will be a successful or unsuccessful terrorist attack against the United States. Having failed miserably to stop the attack, the U.S. government will then overreact to show that it is in control by installing new “emergency” security measures that would do nothing to protect anyone.

2. Al Gore will commission a film about climate change. The film will claim that if we don’t act quickly, the entire world will be covered in ice. There will be pictures of sad giraffes. We will do everything we can to stop the pandemic that is Global Cooling.

1. Americans still won’t care about soccer, the rest of the world still won’t care about American football, and the Cubs will win the World Series, which will be followed shortly by the implosion of the universe.

I remain respectfully yours,
Stephen